His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
