that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
