I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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