dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
