At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
