Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
