I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
