Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
