Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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