the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
