i think my tv is drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
