What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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