Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
