Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
