so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
