Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
