i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
