yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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