hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
