is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
