he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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