its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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