At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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