i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
