What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
me + whiskey = a bad person
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
