Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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