So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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