Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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