I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
