he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
