Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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