took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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