Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
