I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
