Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
