you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
