I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
