My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
