Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
