Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
