I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
