she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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