Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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