I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
