She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've blown a few things in my day
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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