Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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