Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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