ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm at about main and main street
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
