if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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