I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
